Hello... anyone out there?
I hope not. No offense if you are but your about to hear me complain until I don't have anything else to complain about because honestly, I just need to get somethings off my chest without anyone interrupting me or telling me that I'm not being nice or whatever. So if you don't want to listen, or technically speaking read, all my complains from the last, o you know, month and half that I've been at school, then I suggest that you just click that nice little red x at the top of the internet or you click the back button and go back to the last thing you were looking at because I'm kinda in a ticked off mood and I just need to rant.
If you want to read my rant, and I'm not really sure why you would want to (besides if your mother and you want to know why I'm ticked) because its just me whining about my life not going the way I want it to even though this isn't my life, I'm only here because of the grace of God.
With me saying that I realize I probably shouldn't rant on about how my room-mate has been driving me crazy or about how I hate being a person that over analyzes things and takes things too personally or how I am so stressed out in school that I don't understand why I am even considered a college student, and me continuing to rant about these things are so little compared to the plan that God has for me.
So I don't understand why I get so dang frustrated when these things happen. Maybe its because I am human. And being human means making mistakes. And let me tell you that I make a lot of mistakes. A LOT! Maybe I get frustrated with these things because life is so different than it has ever been in the 19 years that I have been living. I've never lived away from home before, heck, I've never been away from my parents for more than 3 weeks. So going and living 4 freakin' hours away from them is really hard sometimes. Did I mention that I really miss those to crazy people called parents? O because I do. I think I get frustrated with these internally struggles the most because moving away and growing up is hard. It's a learning process for sure. I know that God has some amazing plans for me (He even says this in Jeremiah 29:11) and all these struggles are for a reason but I don't know the reason yet and that really frustrates me too.
I am kinda of a control freak. Okay mom, kinda might be wrong. I AM a control freak. And since moving away from home, me controlling anything, was thrown out the window about 2 seconds once I pulled away from my place I called home. Being in control isn't what I'm suppose to do anyways. All control should be placed in God, I know this, but guess what! I'm a sinner. I forget sometimes. Or a ton of times. And I fail at remember that I can not control everything. It sucks. I hate it. But I know that when I let God control my life everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING, goes better. Even though it is super hard for me to give up my control, I know I need to. Its important.
So guess what. This so called "rant" has completely changed from what I thought it was going to be. I was just going to get on here and type away about how annoying my life is right now and how frustrated and aggravated and annoyed I am. But I realized as I started typing, that isn't what my heavenly Father would want me to do. He would want me to give it all to him. He wants me to not worry about what people are thinking about me or if they like me. He doesn't care if my make-up is on or if my hair looks perfect. He created me. He made me look the way I do. He LOVES the way I look, even when I wake up in the mornings and I look like I was hit by a truck a few too many times. He likes that.... And I should too. In the bible, God says he will never gives too much to handle (1 Corinthians 10:13), it doesn't say this exactly that way but being reminded that our God loves us so much that he would send his only son, who was perfect, to die a death that no one can even imagine, is my definition of true love.
True Love. Jesus Christ. It make me think of the song by Phil Wickman. The words below are part of the song:
Come close listen to the story
About a love more faithful than the morning
The Father gave His only Son just to save us
The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt the Fathers Broken Heart
Tears were filling Heaven's Eyes
The day that True Love died, the day that True Love died
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that True Love died, The day that True Love died
I love these words. They are so powerful. It is so hard to even comprehend a love this great. I love the words when it says, "Walls we couldn't move cam crashing down. We were free and made alive," because it reminds me about how amazing Christ love for us is. Walls we couldn't move because of our sins because of our failures because of our wrong doings were broken down and crushed and forever gone because Jesus Christ died for us, which makes us free and alive to live. We no longer have to die a painful death because the Father sent His only Son to SAVE us! Fromour problems. To me, I needed to hear these words today. I need to be reminded sometimes that I am loved. I need to be reminded sometimes that I'm not alone. I was bought with a price and I am the princess of the King of all Kings. And I just have to say that the feeling of everlasting, unfailing love is a pretty dang good feeling.
P.S.- I love when Christ interrupts my negative thoughts and completely turns me around to him.... that kinda might have just happened. Okay, it totally did.